There Is Nothing Wrong With You

Trash your self help books and embrace you for you.

This summer I made a bold and glorious choice to stop reading the self-help genre of books. I have fully embraced the world of fiction (trashy beach novels to be exact) and it has turned into everything I needed it to be.

I have found my love for escaping into a novel again.

I found my love for reading because reading books is sexy. Reading books that have tasks for me to do, lessons for me to learn and a healthy dose of ‘you are not good enough’ is not the vibe anymore.

When I was a kid I would go to the library and take out a stack of books. I would pedal home on my one speed bike as fast as I could. I would meticulously stack the books in the order I wanted to read them. I would settle into my twin bed in the room I shared with my 2 younger sisters and escape into whatever fantasy I had chosen for that week.

This continued throughout the entirety of my formal primary education.

Looking back on it now, it was an escape — at the time though, it was just what my introverted self knew as entertainment. I was too shy and too anxious to make friends and I was never allowed to go out. So I read, and read, and read.

Later on in life I got into some pretty heavy books about rampant drug additcion and partying which is a story for another time. But nonetheless, I lived out that dream throughout my 20ies.

Even into university I read so much — in particular, in the summers. I had a book collection from the gawds. I’d go home for the summer and bury myself in classic literature. I would spend all my extra money on books and then regret it come the school year.

I wanted to be a writer.

At some point though, and actually at multiple points in my life, I purged my collection to donate for someone else to read. Moving around a lot meant cleaning house to make moves easier.

If there was ever someone you might call the a gypsy — it is me, someone who has had more addresses than my age. As I got older I thought this was something that needed to be fixed. But also because this meant moving pretty frequently it meant I was cleaning out my little shelf of adventures …often.

At some point though, in one of my moving transitions, I purged all my fiction books and started on the popular self help reading journey.

Marie Kondo made me feel like I needed to get rid of all my unread books. Purge the energy of not completing a mission I thought I needed in my life. Getting rid of everything that doesn’t bring me joy, getting rid of everything that might seem like it is stagnant energy.

I attempted to get through these books for years. Rachel Hollis, Jen Sincero, the guy that swears a lot, the people that don't — I wanted to gain more confidence and honestly, I thought I was broken.

These types of books made me feel broken.

Truth boom: if you have ever read any self help you know that they are 1) hard to read and 2) make you feel like you need to constantly be working on yourself because you are broken. If you had any inkling that you were broken these books would confirm it. Everything you have done until now is wrong and you, my friends, need to do all these things to make yourself better.

During the first couple of years of the pandemic I truly believed that something was wrong with me. I did everything I needed to do to protect myself from more hurt.

The depression was at its peak.

Things were black.

Then one day I just decided that I am not reading this stuff anymore. Just no.

I refuse to walk around on this planet any longer thinking I need to be fixed. And honestly, neither should you.

All the influncers online will make reference to all the changes that you need to make but you are perfect just the way you are. Stop believing that something needs to be fixed. Stop harping on the past and step into your present. Honestly, you choose. You choose to be the person you are and the person you are becoming.

Take this from someone who cares far too much what people think.

Low self esteme is hard to work with but it can be done. Focus on you while everyone else focus on themselves and just go after what you want — no matter how big or small and do it one step at a time. You will get there.

Stop trying to fix yourself.

There is a HUGE market for fixing yourself online. So many courses and strategies and people praying on your weakness. You don’t need that — all you need is to look at yourself in the mirror and realize you are enough. Focus on what you want and go after it.

You are not broken. You are a product of your circumstance and you chose what you do with that. There is no need to let some author tell you that you are not enough.

You are.